Wesley, Mikala & London

Being pregnant and having a baby brought on a whole new world of getting advice that I never knew existed.  I am googler and so I generally look up anything and everything I have a question about.  However, in the world of baby you will get almost as many hits walking down an aisle in Target as you would online.  The lady looking at socks might tell you that you are carrying high so you are having a girl, even though your 4-d sonogram clearly shows a penis.  She will declare that the new technologies today will never stand up to the wisdom of the older generations.  You move on and pretend you have to pee, no one stands in the way of a pregnant woman with an uncontrollable bladder.  The lady at the checkout will tell you that you need to take castor oil and have the baby early so their head won’t be too big and the gentleman behind you in line will tell you that he video taped everything and that your husband shouldn’t be afraid to get down there and get dirty.  With all of this extra information that you would much rather gather in the privacy of your home in your PJs you would think you would hear it all….but you don’t.  No one shares the most important things that are SO important to know.

1)  Sometimes you get crazy…yes even you the most sane person out there

I LOVE being a mom.  I have spent my entire life dreaming of motherhood and I have finally arrived.  But even I have gone to crazy town and wished someone had told me it was normal.  My baby was PERFECT when he popped out.  No crying.  Sleep all day and 4 hour sleep cycles at night.  Cuddly, snuggly little boy…ahhh I was in love.  Jump to 3 weeks in and all of a sudden this precious little butterball was grunting and grimacing all hours of the day and night.  I googled my butt off and massaged his stomach, gave him gripe water, sang to him, swaddled, rocked, took him to the doctor and when all failed I felt insane.  It was 3am and I was on less than 5 hours of sleep in 2 days and I just broke down crying.  Would it be wrong to just set him outside for a little bit?  I would of course wrap him in a blanket and possibly put up a sign saying he was accounted for.  Would I be an awful, horrible, no good, very bad mom?  I decided it best not to do so but instead I sat in the rocker and cried while my little baby hurt.  LUCKILY for us my mom strolled in to town, took one look at this little guy’s butt, slathered some boudreaux’s butt paste on him and he hasn’t given us a sideways look since.  I have since mentioned this to several moms to see their eyes light up and say ME TOO!!  I was crazy too and could have thrown my baby out the window.  I know some of you are going to phone my husband or offer to bring us dinner to give me a break but I assure you, once you have babies you will understand and you will write your own blog about how you were happy you knew ahead of time that you weren’t the only one.  I have since been the luckiest mom again and my baby doesn’t cry anymore and I have not had another crazy episode, but I am now ready if it does happen.  It is ok to make sure your baby is safe and secure, and then walk out of the room to take some deep breaths before you return for round two.  It is also ok to ask your husband, mom, dad, friend or neighbor to help you in times of need.  Everyone understands that a full time mom has her moments.  I am offering my personal assistance for anyone who has this moment and needs someone, so email me or call me or comment here on the blog.

2) Sometimes the doctor is not right

Child rearing is a fun game of guesstures to keep your baby alive and hopefully happy.  You put food in their mouth, change their diaper, walk them, rock them, swing them, swaddle them and do all 5 of the S’s that turn your tot into the Happiest Baby on the Block and still they aren’t assuaged.  You sigh and pick up the phone to be the mom who takes their baby to the pediatrician in the first week of life.  That’s ok and is best if you are unsure….better safe than sorry right?  I am here to tell you and I know that many moms are out their to confirm that most pediatricians will give you a small smile and in their heads they are saying “ahhh,….first time worry wart of a mom” and then they tell you that you are fine, your baby is normal and in 3 to 6 months everything will be fine.  If you are like me you are thinking that the last week felt like a year how are you supposed to go 3 to 6 flippin months like this?  So you come home you google, you repeat everything you already tried and you begin to pray reminding God that he told you if you prayed for it you would be answered.  You call the doctor again with a new list of reasons why you really do need her and you trek your tot back to see them with your fingers crossed that she will enlighten you with the answers.  She recommends you stop eating chocolate, dairy, broccoli and fruit juice and that if that doesn’t work that in 3 to 6 months everything will be fine.  This is when crazy may set in…see #1.  I am here to tell you that this is when the population of advice givers ain’t so bad!  I was lucky and had my mom waltz in with butt paste for my personal issue.  I wasn’t saavy enough to recognize diaper rash but my mom of 2 surely was.  And now we are happy.  I spent a week or 2 irritated that my doctor had thrown me in the pot of 99% of new moms out there, crazy and unable to handle the pressures.  Didn’t they see the rash, couldn’t they have pasted his butt up?  So just remember, the doctor’s don’t know everything. They are people too…unlike your mom who is not simply a person but an angel with butt paste.

3) You may not find time to brush your teeth and shower, so you must choose

Unless you are lucky enough to have a full time live in nanny that you can pawn your tot off to you will inevitably find yourself choosing between some of the necessities of life.  I was lucky enough to have my husband home for 2 weeks, my parents for 10 days before I was on my own with my baby.  I would hand him to Gramma when I needed to pee, to my husband when I needed to shower and my Grandpa if I needed a nap. It was so easy being a mom when I had an entourage of helpers.  However, my first day alone I looked around and there was no one to hand him to.  I think I sat in the same spot on the couch all day long while he slept, ate and even changed his diaper there.  My husband walked in and I was so happy to shower….until I heard the sounds of hunger from the living room mid-shampoo.  It took me a good solid week to figure out how to set him down while he was sleeping so I could have a shower or make food.  I was starving, I was stinky and I was desperate to find me and my husband a rich man to date so we could get ourselves a live in nanny.  Remind yourself that it is ok to have a messy house, a pony tail for a hairdo or PJs on at 5pm.  You will figure it out, I even wore makeup to church today!!

4)  You may begin to speak to everyone in 3rd person, but your new name is Mommy

I spend all day long by myself cooing, gooing and gaaing with my son.  I love it because he smiles and laughs at his goofy mom.  When daddy gets home he spends several hours cooing and gooing too and we all gaga, mama and laugh together.  Then you find yourself telling your husband “Mommy needs to go potty, can you hold me til I need more milkies daddy?”  And your husband responds “Daddy can howd me and squeeze me and goo goo gaga mama”  And you wonder what happened to the days of being a sweetheart, a babe, hot stuff or simply your first name.  As if the home talk weren’t enough you find yourself at church introducing your child by speaking for them “Oh hiiii Uncky Kevin, give me kissies” and you find yourself chatting about whether or not yellow cheesy diapers are normal and if an occasional green frothy diaper is ok.  Conversations are never the same and you start to understand why you suddenly have very few single friends without children.  The good news is that studies show that talking to your baby in goos and gaas teaches them all about speech and they actually do learn to speak this way.

5) You will learn a love you have never known

I am running out of time because the little bugger is grunting himself out of his afternoon nap and I will have to give the little mister some milkie wilkies soon   But I thought I would end with a great one.  You will most definitely learn a love you have never known or ever imagined.  You will all of a sudden want to chap your lips with thousands of baby kisses and the smell of curdled throw up on your shoulder will make you smile.  You will hurt when he hurts, and smile wider than you ever have when he smiles at you.  You will coo and goo  your bum off for hours to get him to make one sound and you will want to squeeze him and show him that he will never want for anything in his whole life.  You will find yourself wanting to be the best version of you possible so that he will know how to be a good person one day as well.  it is the best feeling ever and I wish for everyone to experience this one day.

Ok – until next time have a great night!

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Baby, crazy head, doctor, Husbands, lies, love, myths, pediatrician